Why We Prioritize One-on-One Time with Our Kids (Even When We’re Outnumbered!)

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

- Deuteronomy 6:6-7

With four kids in our family, life is full—full of energy, full of opinions, and full of big emotions (especially now that we’ve entered the tween and teen years). Our kids are close friends, and it’s a gift to see their sibling bonds grow deeper. But here’s something we’ve had to be really intentional about: carving out regular one-on-one time with each child.

When you’re outnumbered two-to-one as parents, individual time doesn’t just “happen.” It has to be planned. But the fruit we’ve seen from this effort—spiritually, emotionally, and relationally—has been more than worth it.

Here’s why we believe one-on-one time is one of the most powerful tools for shaping our kids' hearts for Jesus.

1. Discipling Them in Real Life

We know from Deuteronomy 6 that we’re called to teach our children diligently—not just in family devotionals or church services, but in everyday life. One-on-one time gives us the space to do exactly that. When it’s just the two of us, we’re able to talk freely about what we’re learning from Scripture, how we’re growing in our own walk with Christ, and what it looks like to follow Him in the little decisions of life.

In this season of tweens and teens, our kids are forming their own beliefs, asking deeper questions, and watching to see if our faith is genuine. These one-on-one moments give us a front-row seat to their hearts—and an opportunity to point them back to Jesus again and again.

2. Opening Their Hearts Through Presence

Let’s be honest: heart-level conversations rarely happen in the middle of a busy family dinner or when everyone’s talking over each other in the car. But something shifts when we’re one-on-one. We’ve seen our kids open up in ways they wouldn’t if siblings were listening in.

Without distractions, we can really listen—whether they’re wrestling with something hard, wondering about their purpose, or just needing to process life. These conversations often start small and unexpected, but they matter. It’s in these quiet spaces that we get to remind them who they are in Christ, speak truth over their struggles, and offer grace-filled guidance.

3. Creating Memories That Speak Love

Each of our kids is so different—different interests, different personalities, different needs. One-on-one time lets us meet them where they are. Whether it’s hiking with our adventurous one, crafting with our creative one, or grabbing coffee with our deep thinker, we get to say with our actions: I see you. I know you. I love spending time with you.

And while some activities might not be possible for our whole crew, they work beautifully one-on-one. What matters most isn’t what we’re doing—it’s that we’re doing it together. These memories tell our kids, You’re worth my time. You matter to me. That message sticks in their hearts.

4. Shifting the Sibling Dynamic

When one child is away on a special outing, the dynamic at home changes. The quieter child may step into leadership, new games are invented, and relationships shift in sweet and unexpected ways. We especially notice this when our oldest—who naturally leads—is gone. His absence gives the younger ones a chance to grow and discover new roles.

These sibling shifts have become part of the beauty of one-on-one time. It not only strengthens our relationship with one child, but it also nurtures new growth and connection among the others.

5. Building Anticipation and Joy

Because we plan these experiences in advance, there’s often a countdown going. The child knows their special day is coming, and they help plan what they want to do. That anticipation is half the fun! When the day arrives, the joy is palpable.

This rhythm of looking forward to their “turn” helps them feel valued. It communicates, You’re not just one of the crowd—you’re uniquely important. And that’s something every tween and teen needs to hear, especially in a world full of comparison and noise.

Here’s How It Looks in Our Home

We’ve found two regular rhythms that work well for us:

• Tuesday Night Dinners with Dad – Every Tuesday, Derek takes one of our kids out for dinner. The child chooses the restaurant, and they talk about school, faith, friendships, and anything else on their hearts. With four kids, each child gets a dinner about once a month, and they look forward to it all month long.

• Half-Birthday & Birthday Weekend Trips – Around each child’s half-birthday, Derek takes them on a one-on-one weekend trip to Branson, MO. They plan the activities together—whether it’s mini golf, hiking, or a show—and pick a few favorite places to eat. On their birthdays, we do a slightly bigger trip—just the two of them for 3–4 days. These have become treasured traditions and bonding times.

What’s sweet is that the kids left at home are usually just as excited. They celebrate the sibling who gets to go and can’t wait to hear all about it when they get back. It’s built a spirit of cheering each other on that we didn’t expect—but we deeply cherish.

One-on-One Time Points Our Kids to Jesus

Ultimately, these moments aren’t just about fun or connection (though those are beautiful gifts). They’re about discipleship. About modeling the love, grace, and intentionality of our Heavenly Father. About meeting our children right where they are and helping them see how Jesus meets them there too.

We’re not perfect at this. Sometimes the schedules are tight, the energy is low, or the conversation feels awkward. But we press on, knowing that small, faithful steps can lead to deep, lasting fruit.

Key Points:

• One-on-one time opens the door to discipleship and deeper faith conversations.

• It strengthens your bond with each child in a personal, meaningful way.

• It creates space for questions, laughter, growth, and grace.

• And it’s a practical, powerful way to say: You matter. God sees you. I do too.

So grab the calendar, make a simple plan, and start small. A walk, a coffee date, or a quiet hour at the park could be the beginning of something beautiful—for you, and for your child’s heart.